I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
