I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
