So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
