fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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