Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
