Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
