you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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