Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
