The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
