They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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