i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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