I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
