Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you had me at cake vodka
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
