I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
