i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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