im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
