I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
