My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
