You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
