lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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