It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
