I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
