So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My penis needs a shock collar
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
