I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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