a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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