the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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