I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
