what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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