I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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