i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
