he thought i was a dude.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
