just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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