I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
