if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wish you could order shots online.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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