i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
