all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
