If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
