Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
