This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
