If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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