All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
