I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
