dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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