They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
