last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
