I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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