just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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