What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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