Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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