So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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