So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
